We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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