could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
