i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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