Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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