I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
