Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
