imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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