Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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