the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
