Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
