If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
