Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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