explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
