Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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