handjob tips. give me some.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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