I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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