then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
