I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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