I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
