so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
