those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
