i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
