My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
