she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
