She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
