Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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