i don't like sucking hair
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
