He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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