Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
