tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
