The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk is not a location!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
