I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
