If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
