4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
