u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
