i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
