You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
