cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
