I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
