I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
