i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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