omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
