not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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