I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You pole danced in your parka.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
