Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
