Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
