1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
