Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
