On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
