I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
