I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
