happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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