In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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