Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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