Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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