happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
