Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
did you just send me my own nude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
