Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
