He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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