Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm passing your future prison.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
