We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize