Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
