no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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