also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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