i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
