I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
