More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize