my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
