I wish I could punch you in the face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
